Crushed Velvet & Roses

Meet Miz Elfriede Thornypaynebottom, who has recently taken up residence at Mockingbird Manor. She is waiting for her new mansion to be built and we just happened to have room for her here. I’m not one to tell what’s been said about Miz Elfriede but it’s all so shocking if it’s indeed true.

It seems that Miz Elfriede has not one, not two, not three but FIVE dead husbands behind her! All have mysteriously died on her one. by. one. Poor thing we really should be trying to comfort her since husband #5 Mr. Thornypaynebottom dropped dead as a door nail at their breakfast table not two weeks ago!

Miz Elfriede says she can’t bear to be in that home anymore where her sweet Mr. Thornypaynebottom was found blue with his eyes bulging and tongue hanging out of his head. That’s why she’s having another home built. By the time it’s finished I’m sure she’ll have her claws into someone else ready to be husband number SIX. Every silver lining has a cloud but Miz Elfriede seems to leave her clouds quite tarnished. Oh! Please don’t let her know I said all that! The last thing I want is to be found dead with my eyes bugged out and tongue black as that woman’s heart!